Hollz At Gym

Sorry for the lack of blogging recently! People kept telling me I had to hurry up and do a blog so here it is!

In a pitiful attempt to get into shape for my sister's wedding and get a beach body for my holiday to Magaluf with the girls, I decided to take advantage of my gym membership and actually go.

It turned out I do actually enjoy the gym. (Obviously not while I'm there - that would be faintly ridiculous) but once I go home I can feel good about myself (Until the next morning when I am in seething pain and resemble a penguin when I attempt to walk).

The gym does scare me for a variety of reasons. There are the personal trainers who roam about eyeing you like a hawk. I'm always too scared to try some of the machines because I know they are behind me laughing as I struggle with a weight that isn't 10000kg. The machines themselves scare me because they are so complicated. Whatever happened to going on a good old fashioned run? OH NO! Nowadays, you have to look like an idiot whilst balancing on a vibrating machine in a feeble attempt not to fall off. 

The reason I go to the gym mainly is not to exercise. (Those of you who know me will know that is simply absurd) but because I love to people watch. The different types of folk who you get to see at the gym is truly mind boggling.

The fitness freaks. The people who are already fit - why are they there? It is people like myself who feel as if they are being carted off to the afterlife after 5 minutes on Level 2 of the cross trainer (only rarely Level 2) who need the machines! Just leave us unfit folk to it and for the love of god, go and eat a cheeseburger! By standing there with your beautifully defined everything and your crop top and leggings you are not spurring us on, you are making us despise the sight of you and ourselves. GO HOME.

The bodybuilders.  You know the ones! Standing all together in the corner licking their lips as they approach some complicated machine and pouting as they crank up the weight to the highest it can go. You are not naturally meant to be able to do that! Their bicep is the size of my head, and my head is sizeable! They too need to calm down with their energy shakes and protein bars and watch an episode of Jeremy Kyle, i mean seriously, stop being so fitness mad, it's not attractive! Girls do not like guys who look as if they will snap you in half with a mere stare, so chill out!

The people who look like they will die. I am not being overdramatic here. I swear, there are people at the gym who are going to do themselves serious injuries - perhaps fatalities. Honest to God, some are insanely overweight, and I mean documentary worthy overweight, and bless them, they're giving it 1000% on that treadmill, but they are going to kill themselves! I genuinely want to walk over, press the "emergency stop" button and give them a slap. There's trying to get fit and there's trying to end up in A+E. Then there's the people who are scrawny and basically so thin they don't exist giving it all they can with the weights and those complicated looking machines - they are red as tomatoes, looking constipated, panting like a dog that's done the marathon. Seriously, they are hazards to themselves and it's actually painful to watch. When your face turns the colour of a beetroot, you can't breathe and every limb in your body gives way, it is time to call it a day. (I'm a poet and I didn't even know it). 

The most annoying of them all. THESE people are the people who I despise. Those people all kitted out, powering profusely on the bike, and then they try subtly but it isn't very subtly, to look at how many calories you've burned and how far you've travelled. WELL to all you sneaky fitness fanatics out there - WHY ARE YOU INTERESTED? How is it going to to affect your life in the slightest if I'm on Level 2 and you're on Level 3? What really gets to me is when you see the people who look over and see you're speed is just above theirs on say 6.2 so they go from 6 to 6.5 just to spite you and have a little mental battle with you. I AM NOT AT THE GYM TO COMPETE. I am only here to try to fit into a bikini and not be ridiculed this Summer so leave me and my Level 2 running alone!

Hotties.  These people are the reason the gym is so appealing to us females. How on earth do people manage to look good with sweat pouring off of them? Yet, there are always those people that manage! It is these people who make you want to attend the gym then you realise if you're going to find your Prince Charming you don't really want your first encounter to be when all he can see is sweat pouring from every place it can and your hair all scrapped back and greasy. Thus, the keenness to attend the gym dies a bit. Or in my case, completely. Regardless, there's nothing like a little bit of eye candy to get the adrenaline going.

The overly keen folk. No matter where or who you are, you can't escape these people. Not even at the gym. Now I'm all for curvy girls - I am one - being proud of their assets and what have you BUT not in lycra which even Tyra Banks couldn't be wearing. No.No.No. And just because you have a Nike t-shirt on and pink running shoes which apparently make you tone your bum by merely walking in them DOES NOT mean you are the next big thing. It only means you have been severely ripped off in the gym's shop. So really, the joke's on you.

Therefore I encourage everybody to get to the gym. Not just for the fitness aspect but to people watch and I bet you all that you will see one person from each category whilst you're there. (Unless you have a private gym in your house and nobody goes but you - in that case you can leave). 

If you are in one of the above categories - you should really review your life. Just kidding, you're the reason why the gym is such a great place to go - carry on being your irritating selves!

Hollz Online (Facebook)

Good day technological whizz kids!

People are forever slating the internet, particularly social networking sites, calling them invasive and negative. Now, I am not insane, I KNOW they can be. BUT they are the best way to procrastinate, the best way to laugh at people and the best way to let all of your excessive photo taking go to good use. Let's not lie...

All of these researchers who think Facebook is a step too far probably have Facebook and Twitter, that's the annoying thing. They need to calm down. Facebook is an amazing thing. (I'm not secretly employed by Facebook, I do genuinely believe that). If it wasn't for FB I would not be in touch with people who live thousands of miles away. I would never have been able to keep up contact with my gorgeous German friend Liz if it wasn't for WhatsApp and Facebook and I would have done a lot more revision for my exams (although that is not the point).

It is also free - let's not forget. I could have texted Liz to arrange my trip over to Dusseldorf but money does not grow on trees.

I think the reason so many people are anti-FB is because they're simply jealous they didn't think of the idea themselves. Mark Zuckerbeg did while he was at university. The man deserves a knighthood. Simple yet genius. Think about it like this; you can now stalk people who you maybe saw once in Starbucks. You don't know anything about them barring the fact they're hot, and all of a sudden you can figure out where they went to school, if they have good grammar (Repeat and learn: 'there' is geographical; 'their' belonging) and if they have a sense of humour. Of course you also need to find out the more pressing details such as is he in a relationship, does he photograph well and of course see if any of his friends float your boat even more.

(I do take into account that if you were a criminal, you could also do this for more sinister purposes, but let's not dwell on the negative.)

Now, you might end up with this boy. He could be your knight in shining armour, your prince charming, he could be the Face to your Book YET, without Facebook, you would never have known. On the flip side, he could have been some sort of creep who can't spell, had three kids by the time he was 15 (statistics say they start young in Dundee), list shoplifting among his interests and be a total perv. How embarrassing if you'd actually gone to speak to a guy like that, unless that's your sort of thing of course...

At least Facebook gives the opportunity to spot the criminal and insane before you get involved, though I take on board that people are adept at posting what they want you to see.

Facebook makes couples, who make kids, who make the world go round. I rest my case. Facebook is therefore the internet equivalent of Paddy McGuiness on Take Me Out, with more variety and less desperation.

Let's not forget the endless hours of entertainment Facebook provides us all. Stalking people you don't know to the stage where you know their top ten outfit choices better than your own, laughing at your ex-boyfriend's current girlfriend and the constant travesty that is her wardrobe and of course feeling like a God when lots of people like your statuses.

Facebook is educational. Social skills; Facebook chat. Fashion sense; Photos. Sociability; Friend requests. Education; Newspaper Apps. Investigative work; Facebook stalking.

Therefore, the next time somebody has the audacity to tell you that they don't use Facebook for whatever reason you can now understand why. They are severely lacking in one or all of the above of these skills and you should therefore request they seek help asap. (They are the type of people who, if they had face book, you'd be de-friending).

Well that's me off back to the land of Facebook, probably to receive a friend request from somebody with a name i can't pronounce or spell. I won't accept though - don't worry...

Please comment and follow my blog :)
A follow on twitter would also be much appreciated:@HollyMStevenson

Hollz Feeling Emotional

Hello all you good people out there!

I am here today to confess to you that I am a TV junkaholic.
I love nothing more than watching what I know is complete televisual trash. I can't get enough of it. The story lines are unbelievable, the characters aren't real and yet I love love LOVE to watch it.

Take Gossip Girl.

Of course it is not at all realistic that some anonymous twitter-type person takes photos of everyone and posts them to to spoil their lives - I know that, obviously.
I know that in real life a group of about 10 people don't all hate then date then hate then (sometimes) kill everyone else.
I know your boyfriend doesn't turn out to be your half brother who is actually in love with your best friend, but you still love him, but nobody can know that because you're only actually "fake dating" him.
I also know I will never look like Blake Lively or have the pleasure of meeting Ed Westwick because believe me girls, if I did, I would not do a Blair and refuse to marry him.
I'd be in there like swimwear, I kid you not.
I also know nobody lives like that, walking about in ridiculous wedding hats to get a coffee in NYC.
If they did, they'd be ridiculed in the streets by everyone, not chased by the hottest boys on the planet.

Regardless of the cheese, and the moments which are intense where all we can hear is "Gossip Girl Here" ruining the moment, I wait anxiously to watch the next episode online. (If I waited for it to be played in Scotland I'd be waiting until the afterlife).

What is worse than just watching GG and I will admit, is that I cry at almost every episode. I don't just mean feel emotional, I mean properly getting the tissues out, bawling my eyes out, reaching for the mammoth box of Celebrations crying.
Every episode, without fail. What is wrong with me? Please calm me down and let me know that I am not alone?! What gets me the most is Blair and Chuck. An eternal love always hindered because they are both victims of circumstance. (AKA victims of GG wanting more money so they are lengthening out the plot).
I KNOW THAT - but it is besides the point. And I also know, as my good friend Daniel always tells me, that of course these characters are not real. But still, it doesn't make the stories less touching and hard hitting.

Jenny, my best friend, laughs at me for getting tears in my eyes whenever Love The Way You Lie comes on, but all I can think of is when Blair and Chuck made a truce to that song in the background.
I also love Eminem with an unhealthy passion. As i'm sure you can all guess, I cried at this episode, and watched it again, and cried, then again and cried. The fact I knew what was coming still didn't prepare me. The scene wasn't even meant to be sad. I know, I clearly have problems.

It is not even that I have just had some horrible life experience and am over-emotional. The Blair/Chuck relationship just really gets to me. Every time they see each other I get chills. It's a problem.

It is not just Gossip Girl, but also Pretty Little Liars. I cry when Aria and Ezira can't be together - I almost cry thinking about the fact they can't be together.
I cry internally thinking about why I can't be with Ezira (Ian Harding - girls get on google images).
I cry thinking that their lives are in such turmoil because their best friend was murdered so I then cry thinking about what I would do if that happened to me.
It's all just so emotional. AND educational. Whoever says MTV and the likes don't educate are wrong - we should be watching this in school. What would you do if you were being bullied by your best friend's killer by text? PRECISELY. You'd only know if you're watching PLL....

You'll be glad to know - I hope - that whilst I do watch Geordie Shore and ANTM and the likes, I don't cry. Well, I have shed a tear or 500 at Made in Chelsea, purely because Spencer and Caggie NEEDED to be together. Then they ruined it by casually announcing they had had sex. That killed it for me and I was more angry than upset at the shocking non-existent build up. I'll still continue to watch and cry though.

Therefore, I admit to you all, I cry at cheese. Well obviously not at the sight of cheddar but you get my point. I don't cry at charity adverts on the TV or adverts about drink driving. I cry at Adele and at Gossip Girl and at the biggest load of rubbish known to grace the Earth.

Something I am sure of though is that if you haven't seen GG or PLL then you're off to have a little search right now. If you're not, I personally don't see why but fair enough, you must be off to search Ian Harding though, right? If you're not, there is something seriously wrong with you.

HASTA LA VISTA EVERYONE!

XOXO HOLLY. (see what I did there?)

Let's Start At The Very Beginning

My name is Holly and this is my anger management class.

It was never intended you see but the thing for which I show most natural flair would seem to be ranting.

What's that? You need a mental image? Ok. I'm sitting on my bed, a place I don't tend to move from unless I want to get myself a cup of tea - unless mum or dad are kind enough to do the honours.

From here, I will go on iTunes, anxiously await emails from UCAS about university offers, furiously check my Twitter to see if I have any more followers (the more the merrier so get following @HollyMStevenson) and playing a bit of Temple Run (my new addiction) on my phone.

Basically, I will do anything which will prevent me from studying. My new chosen method of procrastination is this blog. Friends who have regularly said I should write a blog were no doubt humouring me but there's a lot to say and here is where it starts.

I intend to blog daily - it may be a general rant I need to share with you about people at the gym, or about a certain shop, or whatever I feel the need to share. I hope you enjoy.

I've called my Blog "Hollz at Home" in the spirit of doing what it says on the tin: Holly, sitting at home.

The "Home" part may change slightly - for now I'm in my family house but I may blog from school, the bus home or take my life into my own hands and write as mum drives. Because my choice of msn was jut so genius my good, witty friends do now address me as "hollz at school" "hollz at starbucks" or whatever takes their fancy. The the msn name was hollz_at_home - in my mind the underscores give it that extra cool edge...

Well good people, my friends of the blog, I hope you subscribe or do whatever you feel you should do, and tell people about it, visit me again, go wild you only live once!

HASTA LA VISTA!